Letter To My Mother!

Ma,

I just wanted to say a few things here to clear the air. It is not your fault that I am a Transsexual woman. My gender was determined before I was born. It has nothing to do with the way I was raised. There is nothing to feel guilty about because I have chosen to live out the rest of my life in the gender I have always been aware of since I was about 6 years old.

After 50 years I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I am more outgoing, personable, self-aware and compassionate than I was before I transitioned. I know my decision to transition caught you by surprise and probably disappointed you too. I realize that me living the rest of my life as a woman is not what you expected or envisioned for your son.

I know I will never be your daughter, and I will always be your son. I have accepted that because you have known Anthony all your life and just had Lillith dumped on you. That was not my intention. I tried to transition the right way so people could process my transition in their own way and that’s why I came to everyone and told them first.  There is no “right way” to transition. I felt that a slow transition was not as congruous to my life so I decided to transition on the “fast track”. I know I am headstrong and have always been. I get my determination and strengths from you and the positive examples you did pass on to me.

There is an actual science behind me being a transsexual woman the same way there is a science behind someone who is intersex. (Hermaphrodite no longer acceptable word) The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) http://www.psych.org/MainMenu/Research/DSMIV.aspx goes into detail about Gender Identity disorder (GID). (Sorry, I know how you hate acronyms)

I have resolved that my children call me dad and I will always be their father. I know that I should be sensitive to how the family feels but it should be reciprocal. For example, Jason calls me dad because I am his father but when other people are around or we are in public he will call me Lilli because he doesn’t want me to feel humiliated when other people happen to hear us talking. Also, even though I am his Father, he sees me for me and is comfortable having a Transsexual father for a parent. Gender is not black and white but is actually many shades of grey the way a white pearl is not actually white but many colors of the spectrum.

I don’t try to justify my transition or educate anyone on the fundamental mechanics behind being transsexual. I do try to be sensitive to other people without compromising my own self being. I try to help other people as much as I can to the best of my ability. I have started a support organization to provide resources and services for other people like me and their families. North East Transwomens Alliance (NETA Inc.) http://netahealth.org/ and I hope you look at my web site and see who your son is.

I hope you read this, and we can reconcile our relationship mutually and it will be beneficial and peaceful.